Cozi Blog

Cut the Chaos: Halloween Fun for Everyone

Parenting contributor Lian Dolan encourages you to go all out for this year’s festivities.

I love Halloween. I am all for over-the-top house decorations, planning the kids’ costumes months in advance and hording the best candy starting right after Labor Day. My younger son once told me why Halloween was his favorite holiday. “Mom,” he said, “you get to run around in the dark collecting free candy, and you don’t have to wear itchy church clothes.” I think that sums it up from a child’s point of view. And with my love of Halloween, it’s a good thing that I moved into a neighborhood where the adults embrace the ghoulish. My corner of town is a destination trick-or-treat zone with hundreds of kids working the streets in search of candy and neighbors that create their own haunted houses that would rival any Hollywood production. Here are my tips on how to cut the chaos and enjoy a spectacular Halloween.

For the kids

• Be prepared to buy two costumes. Or if you’re crafty, be prepared to make two costumes. Just accept that some little ones will change their minds at the very last minute. Who are the mind-changers? The kids who love to dress up! Yes, this running around at the last minute can be expensive and frustrating, but think of the two costumes as an investment in the future. I guarantee that the child who wants two costumes is also the child who enjoys being a ninja warrior in January as much as he does in October. You’ll get your money’s worth!
• Forget art directing the pumpkin carving. Let your kids carve the pumpkins they want, not the pumpkins you want from a magazine. Remember when a jack o’ lantern was two triangles, a circle and a candle inside? Well, that still counts as a great jack o’lantern, despite the push for more sophisticated creations. Nothing looks better than a bunch of kid-designed pumpkins glowing in a window or on a porch. Go for quantity, not quality!
• Let them eat one piece of candy a day. Why not? Chances are they will tire of the candy before they finish the bag. Some don’t even like to eat their haul. My oldest really prefers sorting the candy to eating the candy. If the candy’s not gone by Thanksgiving, throw it away while they are at school. (Yes, I am that kind of mom.)

For the house

• Get in the spirit! Come on, get some gravestones and put on a spooky light show. Throw some cobwebs over the bushes and hang some giant spiders from the trees. Dress up to hand out the candy and fill your house with scary music. Now is the time to get that smoke machine you’ve always wanted. Candy for all who show up at the door! Once one neighbor embraces the Halloween spirit, others will follow. Think of it as your gift to the neighborhood kids. Create memories that will last a lifetime — for other people’s children.
• Go for the big bars. Just once, forget the “fun size” candy bars and get the full-size versions. I guarantee you will not regret the expense. The look of pure joy on the faces of the trick-or-treaters when you hand them that giant candy bar is worth the cost. The kids will go nuts, running down the street telling others about your superior loot. And really, don’t you want to “win” Halloween? Be the best house on the block? One year of full-size treats and you’ll be known forever as the ”house with the best candy.“

About the author: Lian Dolan is a writer, mother, Satellite Sister and creator of The Chaos Chronicles, a podcast, blog and website about modern motherhood.

MakingLifeBetter provides tips and smart strategies to help you feel good, look good, and get more out of life.

7 Steps to Writing a Thank You Note

When someone takes the time to give you a gift, you should take the time to show your appreciation by putting pen to paper. A handwritten note conveys something that a card, a call or an e-mail just can’t. The most important thing is that it's written. Note that most of these thank you card steps can be adapted for your littlest letter writers as well.

1. Start with pretty paper. Note cards are easy to find and allow you to keep it short. A gracious thank you doesn’t need to be a lengthy letter.
2. Greet the giver. Dear Aunt Helen/Grandma/Miss Brown is fine.
3. Say thanks. Name the item that you received.
4. Show enthusiasm and discuss how the gift will be used. For example, if your gift was a book, you might write something such as, “I’ll enjoy the novel on my vacation next month.”
5. Show interest in the giver. State that you look forward to seeing the person soon or can’t wait to catch up on his or her life.
6. Say thanks again. Really. It never gets old.
7. Sign off. Use “love” if appropriate; for something more formal, “regards” or “sincerely” works well.

It’s nice if you can write your thank you notes within the week. But during the busy holidays, within the month is acceptable.

MakingLifeBetter provides tips and smart strategies to help you feel good, look good, and get more out of life.

Cut the Chaos: Sports Parenting

When my now 13-year-old son was much younger, he played in the YMCA basketball league. My husband was coaching, and I was an enthusiastic sideline regular. Maybe too enthusiastic, it turns out.

After one game in which my son had not played up to my standards, I asked my husband exasperatedly, “What was the matter with him? Why didn’t he pick up his man?” My husband answered calmly, “Because he’s eight.” In that moment, I became Reformed Sports Mom.

Since my reformation, I’ve spent hundreds of hours on the sidelines. I’ve been team mom, snack mom, photo-day mom, banner mom and fund-raising mom. I get sports; it’s about winning and losing. But it’s also about playing the game with honor — and that goes for parents too.

Do remember that these are kids, not professional athletes. Every player out there is a child: your daughter, her teammates and the opposition. They’ll win, they’ll lose, and they’ll cry or goof around. It’s a long road from T-ball to the NCAA. (And no, your baby won’t fall behind athletically if you don’t hire a private coach for her at age six, no matter what your crazy sports-parent neighbor claims.)

Don’t coach from the sidelines. If you are not wearing the goofy golf shirt that says “coach,” then it is not your place to instruct your child from the sidelines. Period. If your kids are constantly looking to you on the sidelines, chances are they’re not paying attention to the game. Plus, they’ll never learn to listen to their own instincts if you keep telling them what to do.

Do respect the coaches and the referees. At the youth sports level below junior high, most coaches and refs are volunteers. Some are great; some are not. But they are all devoting hours to training, coaching and calling games while wearing really bad outfits. Show up for practices and games on time and keep negative comments to yourself. And, please, think about how you’d look in kneesocks before you question a ref’s call.

Don’t celebrate excessively. It can be incredibly exciting when your team scores in the final seconds. But when your team wins, somebody else’s team loses. A little cheering is fine, but wild whooping and thunder sticks (yes, I’ve seen them at youth sports, folks) is too much. When your child is on the losing side, you’ll appreciate the restraint.

Do remember the solo athlete. It’s tough to be the goalie, pitcher or field-goal kicker. If your team benefits from a goalie’s mistake or a pitcher’s walk, keep your cheering to a minimum.

Don’t sign your kids up for multiple teams in the same season. Yes, I know that your kid is special, but there is no way a 10-year-old can manage two sports equitably. (Or manage them at all! Talk about chaos!) If you are hoping that sports will enhance your child’s life by teaching him teamwork and sacrifice, allowing him to play two sports simultaneously does exactly the opposite. It puts your child above the team, which is the wrong lesson.

Do have fun. Youth sports can be a great experience for kids and parents: new friends, new skills, lots of snacks. Remember what you are there for, though — a healthy outlet for youthful energy. Get yourself a floppy hat, some sunscreen and a cold iced tea. Find a positive cheer (”Go Blue!“) and always clap for both teams at the end of the game.

--from Lian Dolan, for Making Life Better

Stressless Vacation Planning

 

How do you gear up for a family vacation without all the hassle? Preparation is important, but attitude, especially a sense of humor, is just as crucial. Things are bound to go wrong, but if you follow these simple suggestions, you can get your pre-trip tasks done — and handle any surprises — with less stress.

Expect the Unexpected
Missed flights, delayed dinners and other en-route glitches can cause anxiety levels to soar. Stay cool by stocking up on bottled water and healthy, nutritious snacks, and don't forget to pack a few extra books and small toys that the kids don’t know about. If you get delayed, you'll have a surprise activity.

Pack Smart
Keep items separated in resealable plastic bags. This will ease trips through airport security by making repacking a cinch. Also, take along items that tend to be more expensive at vacation resorts, such as sunblock.

Book a Suite
An extra-large hotel room might seem pricey, but it’s often the best deal for a big family. And you can all be together. Ask about the availability of sleeper sofas and rollaways if you need additional beds.

Pamper Yourself
Get in a vacation frame of mind. Treat yourself to something special ahead of time, such as a pre-vacation massage or sunless tan. Use a self-tanner for a risk-free, sun-kissed glow. Smooth on more when you get home to extend that summery look for weeks afterward.

provides tips and smart strategies to help you feel good, look good, and get more out of life.

Laundry 101: A Cheat Sheet

If your favorite white sweater is now pink and could fit your 13-year-old, what you need is Laundry 101. Here's a list of what you can lump together in one load without fear. It's easy to follow for all those family members who aren't accustomed to washing their wears — it might even get them to lend a helping hand.

Machine Wash, Cold Water

• Brightly colored items
• Women's underwear and bras
• Delicate whites such as cotton-blend blouses
• Tightly knit cotton sweaters
• Lacy, sheer clothing
• Pantyhose and tights
• Unlined rayon clothing

To dry: Line dry or tumble dry low; lay cotton sweaters flat to dry

Machine Wash, Warm Water

• Polyester or polyester-blend items
• Blue jeans
• Cotton T-shirts and shirts
• Sweatshirts and colored towels
• Workout clothes

To dry: Tumble dry medium or high

Machine Wash, Hot Water

• White or nearly all-white clothing, towels and linens

To dry: Tumble dry medium or high

Hand Wash

• Lingerie
• Silk blouses
• Frilly or adorned items (appliqués, embroidery, beads, sequins, fringe, eyelet)
• Mittens, gloves, mufflers
• Colors that will bleed into others

To dry: Tumble dry low or hang dry

Dry Clean

• Men’s ties
• Cashmere
• Woolen pants, tops, jackets, sweaters (unless the tag says hand wash)
• Rayon items, especially if they feel stiff
• Business suits, blazers, vests, etc.
• Any piece of clothing that has a lining

Important: Always read the special care instructions on the item's tag.

provides tips and smart strategies to help you feel good, look good, and get more out of life.

Protect Your Kids in Sports

Parents can help ensure that kids stay safe in team sports. To make sure your children play it safe, follow this action plan from the National Alliance for Youth Sports.

Prepare Your Kids
Have your little ones warm up before games, wear safety equipment, and drink liquids throughout games and practices.

Observe the Coach
Attend a game or practice to check that the coach knows and adheres to the rules of the game, offers specific tips for improvement (“Drop your elbow when you throw”) rather than generalities (“You need to throw harder”) and is patient with kids who aren’t stars.

If the coach doesn’t perform satisfactorily in any of these areas, talk to him privately. Most coaches have kids’ best interests in mind and will listen and make adjustments. If not, go to the league supervisor.

Screen the Coaches
Do a background check on the coach. The cost is usually minimal — about $15 per report. Talk to other parents and approach the league supervisor to make your request. There’s strength in numbers.

Check The Condition of Equipment
Appropriate equipment should be available for each child and should be properly sized and in good shape. Point out equipment problems to the coach or league supervisor and ask that they be rectified. Or buy your child his own equipment — but be sure to label it clearly with his name.

--Making Life Better

Family Night Ideas

Have you ever noticed that spur-of-the-moment ideas often produce the most fun of all? Sometimes it can be fun to toss planning to the winds. Think of family nights together as little celebrations that turn almost any evening into a special event.

Tailgating at Home
Who says that tailgate have to happen in stadium parking lots? On the big game day, back the SUV up the driveway and party away. Grill up some hot dogs and burgers. Toss Frisbees. Use a snow bank as a cooler for the soda cans. Then head back indoors, set out your favorite snacks, and let the game begin.

Movie Nights
Fluff up the sofa cushions, gather the family, and crank up the video. Make movie night a regular weekly event, and give each family member a turn at choosing the theme. Or pull out a great old comedy that you loved way back when. You might be surprised by how many new laughs an old, old favorite can ring up.

Nights for Remembering
Kids love seeing images of themselves when they were younger. So make a night of it: Dig out the album, dust off those home movies, and spend the evening reminiscing about events, friends, family—and the younger you.

Going Back to Basics
Turn off the TV. Light lanterns and candles. Roast marshmallows in the fireplace. Live life as it was before electricity. Take turns reading chapters of a mystery novel. Entertain one another with music and songs. Tell ghost stories and take turns making each part creepier than the last.

Idea Nights
An evening spent coming up with ideas for family night can be an event in itself. Then act on the ideas—make it a date, a priority to count on. Even if it’s just one night a month. One night for fun...one night to celebrate being a family. More than likely, you’ll discover plenty that’s new about the people you’ve been closest to all along.

--Making Life Better

Dress Your Kids Without a Fight

One red sock, one green? First time in uniform? More imagination than taste? Getting dressed can be tantrum time. Meet them with patience, love and ideas like these.

Last year, when Sophie, the eight-year-old daughter of a best friend, asked if she could wear jeans to this writer’s wedding, the answer was, “absolutely!” Surprised? Getting children to dress appropriately — whether they’re toddlers learning the power of “no” or teens navigating the rebellious waters of early adolescence — can be a challenge. But the right approach, laced with humor and genuine caring, can work wonders. You probably have your own special techniques for a trauma-free “get dressed” time, but here are some interesting ones from other moms.

Smart Shopping
•    Find a magazine photo of your child’s favorite teen idol wearing something you approve of. Then give a similar outfit to your child as a gift, along with the photo.
•    Guide your child past objectionable styles by suggesting something more inconspicuously trendy.
•    Visit the dressing room together and try on the same style. Suggest going out dressed like that, and see how quickly your child’s mind will change.
•    Take the pain out of “mix and match”: Shop for complete outfits in complementary colors.

Choices
•    For smaller children, simplify choices — ask them to choose between one shirt and another.
•    To manage decisions in advance, create outfits, not components.
•    Don’t impose tastes. Your hating purple is no reason that your child can’t wear it.

Language and Body Language
•    Stay involved. Chat with your child about fashion regularly, in a nonjudgmental way. Talking and listening now can mean less conflict later.
•    Never tower over young children during what-to-wear discussions; it only intimidates them and makes them dig in more stubbornly.

First Time in School Uniform?
•    If the school limits color choices, turn shopping into a great game. “How many cool clothes can we find in navy blue that fit the school’s rules?”
•    Buy your child’s favorite teen magazine and flip through it together, looking for pieces that’ll work within the dress code.

And About Little Sophie

What happened? On the wedding day, the bride asked the jeans-clad child whether the bride herself should wear jeans, too. No longer needing to demonstrate the independence she’d been freed to exercise, Sophie “decided” that the bride looked much nicer in the wedding dress — and chose for herself the matching lavender dress her mother had begged her to wear for months.

It’s true: When it comes to clothes (and so many other parenting issues), a whole lot of love and a little reverse psychology go a long way.

--Making Life Better

Simple Steps for Gardening With Children

What you'll need:

• A child-size garden plot
• Some child-size gardening tools
• An assortment of seeds or plants (vegetables, flowers or a mix of both)

What to do:

• Get your kids involved in deciding what to plant in their garden. Some kids get really excited about the idea of growing their own fruits and vegetables. Suggest colorful vegetables, like peppers, to make the garden more beautiful and interesting to your kids. Some children prefer to stick to flowers. Sunflowers are always a huge hit with kids because of their mammoth size and spectacular appearance.
• Decide whether you want to start the garden with seeds or plants. Remember to factor in both the growing conditions in your area and your kids' patience level. The beauty of starting with plants is that you end up with an "instant garden."
• Don't expect your kids to do all the garden maintenance themselves. If you pile too many chores on them, you'll risk turning them off. It'll seem too much like work.
• Encourage your kids to keep a gardening journal so they can record of how their garden does from year to year: which plants tend to thrive and which ones don't.

--Making Life Better

Five Activities for Family Bonding

Nothing soothes the soul quite like a comfortable tête-à-tête with a friend or family member. Too bad most of us get more face time with the grocery store clerk than with the people who really matter in our lives. Looking to reconnect? Try these tactics.

Jettison the TV
A radical step, but it works. Exiling the tube to the basement, if only temporarily, can free up hours every day. Your brood will be forced to find alternate entertainment, which actually might include (gasp!) talking to one another.

Try a Little Gamesmanship
Standing dates for munchies and games (anything from gin rummy to a board game — whatever suits your fancy) are just an excuse for what you’re really after: a gabfest. Set up the card table, put out the chips and let the chatter begin.

Book Some Time
You don’t need to host a national TV talk show to start your own book club. For fun kids’ games, literacy-promoting activities and tips for parents, visit the RIF Reading Planet, an online feature of the nonprofit organization Reading Is Fundamental.

Champion a Charity
Community service is a terrific way to carve out quality time with loved ones and to give back to others. Lists of opportunities, from raking leaves to serving meals, are available online at such sites as Volunteer Match and Habitat. The Points of Light Foundation has a special section just for families at Points of Light.

Par-Tee
Gather the clan for a monthly bash. Make it a memorable event by having alternate generations select music from different decades. (For added family fun, you can even ask for theme-appropriate dress.) Or rent a movie projector and set up an outdoor theater to enjoy a film alfresco.

--Making Life Better