It wasn’t until Alice said, “OK, I have my tennis mitt” that I realized how messed-up my family’s game of tennis really is. If the girls ever play the real thing, they’re in for a shock. Baseball gloves simply aren’t allowed.
Let me back up, though.
Adam comes from one of those tennis-playing families. I think his parents even play in those snappy little white outfits at their country club. I’m not a tennis-whites kind of person. In fact, I only have one white shirt because of my spilling problem. And you can forget about me in a short white skirt. There’s not enough self-tanner in the world to make that attractive.
More to the point, though, I come from a family where only half of us got any sort of hand-eye coordination. I did take tennis lessons when I was a child, but was so bad at it that I could go entire 30- minute sessions without actually making any contact with the ball.
I do remember being told to shake hands with my tennis racquet. I shook hands like I was going in for a big job interview. Fat lot of good that did. I was horrible. Ten years later, in unrelated news, an ophthalmologist examined me and said, “Huh! You’re legally blind in one eye. You don’t use it at all for distance.”
It’s entirely possible that my lack of depth perception made hitting the ball a challenge (and don’t worry, I got it fixed in time to get my driver’s license). But I think the truth is, I’m not built for anything that requires coordination or grace.
Early on in my relationship with Adam, I tried playing tennis again, hoping that my robust corrective lenses would work miracles. Statistically speaking, I suppose they did. Two hits per hour is a big improvement. But I had to quit because it made my wrists hurt—or so Adam thinks.
Tennis is back in my life, though. The kids think it’s an awesome game, but probably because they have no idea how it’s actually supposed to be played. Lucy inherited my talent. She actually took a swing, missed, spun around and made a solid connection on her second attempt. It was like a cartoon. She couldn’t have been happier.
Alice appears to be taking after Adam’s side of the family, and once she cracks the 33-pound barrier, she might not tip over every time you put a racquet in her wee hands. She can actually swing and move a ball in generally the right direction, and if she thinks she’s going to miss, she makes good use of the mitt.
About this mitt. It’s a small, pink thing made out of pleather and purchased for $4.99 at the drugstore because the other glove Adam bought Alice was too big for her to close. Odd as it is, it is probably not the strangest thing about our family tennis games.
Nor is the way Adam and I struggle to avoid hitting our children, knocking easy lobs to each other over the heads of the girls, who like to run around the court at top speeds, brandishing their racquets. (“Look at me!” Alice says. “I AM YELLOW LIGHTNING!” “Look at me!” Lucy says, “I CAN FIT THE BALL IN MY MOUTH!”)
No, the strangest thing about the way we play tennis is that we’ve included our dog in the game. Tennis purists would have a heart attack. But it does add a certain level of excitement.
She runs around after the girls, snatching balls out of the air, depositing them at our feet, dirty and dripping with saliva. Then they squelch and bounce off in unpredictable directions, while the kids whoop and holler and slash at the air with their racquets and baseball mitts.
It got really exciting the time a bee joined in the game and everyone started shrieking and hopping in order to avoid getting stung. Poor Rosie. She took one right in the rear end for the team.
This game we’re playing is tennis, but more. You could maybe call it eleven- or twelvis. And while it will never get us any points in a real match, I’m happy with the score nonetheless. I believe the tennis pros have the right name for it: love.
LOVE it!
Posted by: Jolie | August 29, 2009 at 09:41 AM
Now thats the kind of tennis I could play. My son played Tennis in high school and quite well. But that was as far as the Tennis talent in our family went. I like your version better,especially if it involves the dogs.LOL very creative Martha!!
Posted by: Deb | August 29, 2009 at 09:49 AM